chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
