there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
