at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
