it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
