there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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