who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
