I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
