You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
