dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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