whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
