I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
