just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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