i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
