i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
