i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
