went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
