So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
