i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
