You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
