so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
