funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
