I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
