I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
