i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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