saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
