i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
