I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
