Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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