please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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