I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
