if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
