I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
