Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
