im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
