it wasn't lemon gatorade
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
