did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
