i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
