how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
