At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
