I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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