I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
