you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
