I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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