My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I enjoy the company of your penis
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
