So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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