I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
