Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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