Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
