I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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