i wish there were pregnant emoticons
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
