i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
