Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
